I've sat here for quite a while with a blank page, not knowing what to write or where to start. My blog is a place for sharing sewing and crafting and having fun, making friends and not what I am about to use it for. But I just need to say something. If you are adverse to negative posts, then feel free to skip on me, I won't take it personally. I like a good moan now and again but this is a bit deeper than that.
The short of it is, I have depression, typing that is SO hard. I like a good dose of denial with my depression too. I have had far too many years practice of pretending in real life that I am happy, on top of everything, more than just coping 'I'm doing great'! Everyone seems too believe me, except my husband, he can always tell. It has dawned on me that I am great at putting across this front online too. Believe me I am a happy, bubbly, jokey sort of person, its just that I have this dark desperate side to me too that I battle with and don't really like to share, after all who wants a wet blanket around? I don't want this part of me, it is a nuisance and gets in the way of life...but I am learning that it IS part of me and I just have to live with it and find coping mechanisms.
I am really not sure why I am sharing this, perhaps because I am sat alone typing, it feels like I am telling no-one. I never do this in real life. I have alienated friends because they don't know what I am going through, I guess they think that when I shut myself away because I cant communicate that I am actually just being rude. All I can say is writing this sort of helps. I WANT to blog, I know I am always sewing (I swear I would be in a straight jacket if it were not for the sewing!) but I never get time to share it all with you. Life is busy, life is hard, not just for me I know. A lot of you have your own struggles to deal with. But I have made real friends here too, and I don't want to alienate them. I read your blog's everyday, some days I just can't comment as I don't have any words. Its torture for someone who talks so much and loves being busy to feel so bleak I cant talk or bothered to do anything.
I guess what I want to say is thanks for being there for me, all of you. even if you don't realise it you make a difference to me. I'm off to quietly sob into the soda bread I am supposed to be making. I've had some lovely post over the last couple of days and I'm hoping to come back and share it with you in a much lighter fashion soon!